Social Media…the Epitome of our picture perfect lives

but what is the REAL story behind your story?

Our ‘overachiever’ kids who actually do misbehave or throw tantrums; who actually fail tests; who pronounce ‘lello’ instead of yellow. The regular selfies we post that have been edited and transformed to perfection. Our ‘perfect relationships’ that put the sales picture displayed in the photo frame to shame. Always smiling. Always laughing. Always coupled with the caption
“the best…husband/wife/kids/holiday etc…”

So with the highest of standards set by all of us… is it alright to make mistakes in a society that demands perfection?

These standards are certainly not realistic and definitely not true. Life happens, we make mistakes, we mess up, at school, at work, at home, in relationships, with ourselves. Our kids throw tantrums, or sulk, or slam doors, or scream ‘I HATE YOU!’ we have the ‘ugly cry’ arguments with our partners, we have the raw, no makeup moments, the bad hair days, we get the pimples and blemishes, we put on the weight, we skip the gym, we are grumpy and moody and have bad days, we are not always very nice people, but is it okay? How do you react to these imperfect moments, where do you store those imperfect images, or do you erase them from the picture perfect wall? We are all guilty of it. So the question really is; why do we have a need to portray constant perfection, why don’t we talk about or display the unedited, real stuff?

Cosmetic companies, suppliers of high resolution camera’s, selfie sticks and editing apps are the only ones that seem to be benefiting from this bizarre learned behavior. Insurance companies insist that we never apologize, even if it was our fault! Never admit to guilt and try to convince yourself, and everyone around you, that it actually wasn’t your fault, and if, deep down you know that it was your fault, you are weighed down with feelings of guilt and shame, the repercussions– are no ‘accident’. Fast food restaurants sell diet drinks, think about it, what is the real reason they do so, are they trying to play along with this behavior, is this what we have taught them? “I’ll have an extra-large portion of fat and oil with a diet drink please” … really? Companies award staff for not taking sick leave, so we force ourselves to go to work, with a fever and feeling miserable, not to mention possibly passing along the gremlins… how is this okay and award winning behavior? “Boys don’t cry, girls are allowed to cry, but not at work” There are different, complicated, rules for every area of our lives to ensure perfection is always portrayed. It is all very confusing and no wonder we are left feeling like we are constantly riding an emotional roller coaster, suffer with paranoia and confusion, it’s exhausting to say the least.

The goal posts that we set for ourselves, based on this learned acceptable behavior, seem to constantly move and when we reach them, THAT person posts another picture perfect moment coupled with the caption “the best…” and our goal posts move even further, sending us into a world of comparison, self-doubt and worthlessness, feeling that we just never have enough and we undoubtedly are just not enough. What the posted picture or the words omit to describe, is that I made my kids hold hands for the picture, I spent 3 hours doing make-up and hair, my husband sent me those flowers because we had a massive, earth shattering argument last night, I hated every minute of that gorgeous seaside family holiday as the kids were extra demanding and it put me in financial debt… all for a photograph, all to fit in to a society that demands perfection.

Affirmations, positive thinking, “you are what you think”, fad diets, healthy eating, “Pinterest Parenting”, extra lessons, 3 hours of homework for a Grade 1 child, anti-aging, golf lessons, are shoved down our throats on a daily basis, minute by minute…FEAR OF IMPERFECTION!! All we really want to do is wash off the makeup, throw off the bra, put our pajamas on and eat calorie filled delicious food. These actions of imperfect behavior are served with deep remorse, guilt, shame, promising ourselves it’s the last time, self-judgement and self-loathing. The roller coaster emotions and fear eventually get the better of us and we get sucked into the perfection spiral and panic! So what do we do? We find someone else to judge, so that we feel better about ourselves, surely it’s easier that way, pass it on. With all this judgement and emotional torture going around it’s no wonder that we are creating a world of hate, greed, jealousy and judgement and of course a society that demands perfection.

We choose to make it personal, we choose to compare and we certainly choose to move our goal posts, it’s time to choose differently. We are all doing the best we can with what we have. Balance is key, too much of anything really is a bad thing. Choose to walk the pendulum line and balance.

Jeff Hawkins says “your perception of the world is… really a fabrication of your model of the world. You don’t really see light or sound. You perceive it because your model says this is how the world is, and those patterns invoke the model. It’s hard to believe, but it really is true.”

Next time you are viewing “the best…” post, ask yourself; why do I need my kids to get top marks at school, is it realistic, where am I failing in life? Why do I need my husband to send me flowers or shower me with gifts, is it realistic, what am I not doing to love myself? Why do I need my wife to be a trophy wife, is it realistic, what are my perceived imperfections that I am trying to mask? Why do I need my friends and I to always smile in photos and look amazingly happy and popular, is it realistic, or am I actually lonely?

In a world where depression, suicide and divorce rates are on the rise. Perhaps it’s time to stop and self-reflect, to re-evaluate your perception of others and of yourself. What are you really hiding, what are you not saying, what’s the real story? What if ‘normal’ is alright? What if it were okay to make mistakes? The need to be perfect is contagious and it leaves us feeling more imperfect than ever imaginable.

Yes, we need to re-educate our children, our partners, our bosses, our colleagues, our friends and our family that mistakes are going to happen… perhaps the same one more than once… and it’s okay. We lose the learning if we don’t make mistakes.

Let’s consciously choose to support each other, let’s focus on the good in each other, lets agree to imperfection and learning through mistakes, let’s focus on each other’s strengths, there is enough judgement going around for us to be well aware of the imperfections! Be kind to yourself, be kind to each other.

Reality is Perfect.

Chael offers a safe and non-judgmental environment for you to explore your emotions, perceived imperfections, and new choices. Call or email Chael now to book an appointment.